Letting go of expectations is something that has come up time and again in my career. Ironically, Kansas City has represented a crossroads multiple times in my life.
The Expected Path and an Early Reality Check
The first was in 2013. Having freshly finished my thesis, I was ready to enter the workforce. At the time, a federal hiring freeze was ongoing, stymying my job search. My goal, from early in my college education to that moment, was to work for the National Weather Service: an impossibility given the circumstances. Further complicating matters, I was still licking my wounds from a painful, disastrous breakup that shook me to the core a handful of months earlier. The tunnel seemed infinite; there was no light in sight.
After stumbling through some job interviews and reconciling short-term needs and long-term aspirations, I landed at a tiny company in the Kansas City area with fewer than ten employees. The job was challenging and, though I didn’t appreciate it enough at the time, rewarding in terms of the skills that it helped me build. But, I learned quickly that the motivations of private industry were not consistent with my passions. Further, my work hours of 5 PM to 1:30 AM limited socialization. The combination led to growing isolation and discontentment, and having arrived in early September, by winter, I sought change.
Chatting with my previous graduate school advisor, I learned that a proposal to build upon my thesis research was undergoing review. Hiring in the National Weather Service was still stalled, but there were signs that could change soon. Multiple potential opportunities were bubbling up to the surface. Consciously, I made the decision to follow the path that revealed itself first.
Sometime in February, my advisor’s proposal to continue my thesis research was funded, and I agreed to return to school to begin working on my doctorate. The next day, numerous entry-level positions with the National Weather Service were advertised, including my home office of Nashville, TN. Timing is everything.
The Winding Road to Progress
Fast forward about ten years to March 2023. I’m sitting at Café Gratitude on Southwest Boulevard in Kansas City with National Weather Service colleagues and friends, all of whom are in town for a manager development course. Though not yet a manager myself, the knowledge I gained through my doctoral research has led to me being recognized as a severe thunderstorm expert within the agency, so I happened to be at the course as an instructor.
Nothing in the prior ten years or so went exactly as planned. I moved back to North Carolina to start my Ph.D. and moved in with a previously long-distance significant other. From late 2014 through mid 2015, I became unrecognizable to myself in the midst of a tumultuous relationship. After finally ending the relationship, I sought therapy and psychiatric help for what turned out to be depression, social anxiety, and a touch of post-traumatic stress disorder. Seeking help from professionals and friends is why I’m still here.
Related: Playing the Chess Game With Anxiety: How to Keep it in Check
Growth Through Unexpected Change
But mid-2015 also bore fruit not sowed through suffering: as a student, I acquired an internship with a guaranteed path to a permanent, professional role within the National Weather Service. Though it took longer than anticipated, I had made it. Over the next two years, I balanced employment at the National Weather Service with dissertation research. Emotional wounds healed as scars developed, and relapses occurred, but I had a far greater understanding of—and control over—my thoughts and emotions. This awareness was a critical root system as winds took aim at what was then an emerging sapling.
My plan by early 2017 was to finish my Ph.D. and slide into a full-time position at the same National Weather Service office where I worked as a student. The office had several entry-level vacancies—it seemed like a natural fit. My significant other was finishing her Masters and planning to continue on to a Ph.D. with her advisor. All of the factors lined up nicely.
Despite everything seeming to align perfectly, the best laid plans unraveled. My significant other’s advisor took a new job at a university in California, and she was planning to follow. I was informed that working at the same office may not be an option. So, I took matters into my own hands and applied to ten different locations scattered throughout the U.S. After a lengthy interview cycle and a few offers, I ended up in the Black Hills of South Dakota in September 2017. Just under a year later, I met my (now) wife. Life has its own plan.
Expectations as a Tether
Back to Café Gratitude. Sitting with these managers and leaders in the agency, I feel a strange combination of joy, envy, pride, and listlessness. Here I am, visiting Kansas City to serve as an instructor during a session aimed at training individuals that have achieved my career goal—but I haven’t accomplished it yet. Though I had applied to one of these managerial roles, I was not selected. The selecting official later told me I was the runner-up for the position.
Related: ***MAJOR LIFE UPDATE!!!*** I didn’t get the job.
Up to that point, I felt like I had prepared for that role and that interview for my entire career, yet I fell short. With my wife starting a job shortly thereafter, we were tethered to the area, and my window effectively closed. To come so close to my goal and then feel like I’m looking in from behind the glass was demoralizing. This was a contributing factor to restarting counseling in late 2023 after a several-year hiatus; I never should have stopped.
After dinner, we reflected on Café Gratitude’s question of the day: “What do you want to let go of?” As others answered, I half-listened and half-contemplated. When the discussion circled around the table to me, I answered with one word: expectations.
Letting Go of Expectations is Liberating
Along this path that has been carved out for me, the most difficult aspect of navigating each turn is the expectation of a straight line connecting the start and end points. Once I take my foot off the gas, tap the break, and ease into the turn, the wheels grasp the pavement and keep me on the road. Each turn thus far has revealed a more beautiful, fulfilling scene than I could have imagined.
The road remains full of surprises. There are speed bumps that cause me to jolt, blind curves that force me to hold on for dear life. Tunnels that temporarily limit my view of what lies ahead. But I recognize now that the tunnels are never infinite, and the sun always seems to shine brighter once you emerge.
I still haven’t been hired for the managerial role I was seeking, but I now find myself in a role that I never knew existed and that is potentially a more ideal blend of my passions, strengths, and expertise. Who would have thought? Not me. Cue the Paul Rudd Hot Ones meme.
Timing is everything, and life has its own plan, recognized once you let go of expectations.
Keith Sherburn is a board member of The Human Constant and is the Severe Weather Program Coordinator with the National Weather Service. Keith and Ryan have had a symbiotic mentoring partnership dating back 15 years.
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